Hello, beautiful people, I hope you all are good and healthy from both minds and hearts.
I am back with another article that might be another blow for people with unhealthy hearts and thoughts. The reason I named this article as Inherent was special that we often believe that only properties and genes can be inherited an not the behaviour, blaming the society and men for the wrong attitude they have but.. we forget that if the flower was always nurtured in the dirt, how can it spread beautiful aroma?
I had attended a seminar month back. where the lecturer asked the audience that how many of them wanted to lead a posh life with high standards and morals, undoubtedly most of them raised their hands, and why wouldn’t they everyone wishes to live a peaceful non-quarrelsome life where every day at home is like a bliss. But then the lecturer asked another question and asked the audience to be honest. He asked us, “how many of us live such a quiet life?” And to my surprise, none of them raised their hands.
The Lecturer said a simple thing then, ” See that is what I’m talking about when we aren’t being brought up in an environment where we don’t know how to react subtly how do you expect to implement it one day all of a sudden?”
He continued giving an example of himself by saying “If my son is disturbing me or doing something that annoys me while I’m working .. I have two options to go with. I can either shout and yell at him influencing him, though unknowingly that when you are irritated you must shout because yelling is easy for me to do; Yet another option seems difficult where I need to control my anger and continue doing what I am or maybe join my son to have some fun again influencing his behaviour to react calmly”
Influences are mostly involuntary
Nurturing a child’s behaviour especially a male child begins at home from his immediate relations like father, grandfather or so. The way you behave at home with your mothers or wives or sisters will ultimately influence your kid to do the same and he shall do the same in front of his kids thus passing on the bad behaviour.
Fathers need to understand that the best gift they can give to their children is to respect their mother, maybe she isn’t as educated as much as you are, maybe she doesn’t earn and in some cases maybe she is illiterate but she is the one who takes care of your blood and family leaving hers and nurtures it throughout her life for the sake of your name and love. She doesn’t have breaks as you do, she doesn’t have holidays in fact on holidays she has to work more than normal days, she doesn’t have any salary so the least you could do is respect her integrity, and talk politely, try to understand and help her in a situation where she might be tired and above all when you are angry for any reason you can speak softly to her.
According to recent studies, Violence against women can have a myriad of devastating consequences on women’s short and long-term health and well being. Along with the immediate physical and emotional impacts of violence, women’s overall quality of life can be adversely affected over an entire lifetime, which can, in turn, impact their participation and engagement in various aspects of life and society (Johnson et al. 2008). These consequences to the individual women, along with the violent act itself, can have ripple effects on society as a whole (World Health Organization 2011)
You may feel that, if you’re not being hurt physically, you are not being abused. But attempts to scare, isolate, or control you also are abuse. They can affect your physical and emotional well-being. And they often are a sign that physical abuse will follow.
You may be experiencing emotional abuse if someone:
- Monitors what you’re doing all the time
- Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time
- Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
- Tries to stop you from going to work or school
- Gets angry in a way that is frightening to you
- Controls how you spend your money
- Humiliates you in front of others
- Threatens to hurt you or people you care about
- Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
- Says things like, “If I can’t have you then no one can.”
- Decides things for you that you should decide (like what to wear or eat)
No one has the right to hurt you in any way. Emotional abuse is more versatile because it can take up any face in future.
Don’t think that even if you do it, your child will not inherit it, we must not forget that behaviour is an acquired trait.
In some cases, though if you ask your parents to change the way they behave and think, it isn’t possible because maybe they are used to that type of reaction, at that point of time the teenagers can come up with your solutions to control your behaviour so that you don’t teach your offsprings the same.
One must not forget that if you get your daughter married to a man like you, who reacts the same way you do with your wife, what was the entire point in getting your daughter educated when all she will do is suffer? What was the entire point on getting her soul independent and qualified because even when she is educated than most of the other women, she wouldn’t react and share her sufferings with you because they never saw their mother doing the same? She will suffer and hope things get better which never will because how her husband is behaving with her, somewhere she has seen it her entire life between her mom and dad. Then there will be frail attempts to hide and bring up the children differently which will be a vain attempt.
Concluding this, all we can do is to attempt to create awareness of heritable behaviour. I would just say one thing, we can avoid things now because we come from an age where maybe we can compromise but the future generation won’t. If the father’s today can’t control their anger there is no guarantee that your son will have the same. To help your generations to come to start changes at home. Respect all not only in front of your kids but genuinely, show them that you love them and respect them, there is nothing in the world which cannot be solved by soft words.
Harsh words can scar one for life, your mere push or pull to dismiss the argument can influence your child to do the same and even more leading to domestic violence, Do not support such behaviour. Like I always say, change starts at home. From YOU.