Be it feminism. Hook-up culture or Hip – Pop culture. India is a very diverse crowd. And so are our choices. It is very easy to offend us, and it is even easier to make us fall in love with other cultures. We define Crazy. Our music is crazy. Our movies are crazy and our food is phenomenally crazy. And I’m talking good crazy.
Being one of the countries that have always re-admitted the versions and interpretations of love, the concept of intimacy over and over again it is not surprising that the concept of Dating is still a millennial term. Many of the Indian cities have stumbled over the concept around the year 2012 when the famous app tinder was developed and marketed.
Around that time the major concern of the people was, meeting strangers in search of a suitable partner for relationships. Be it a love interest or a friend. Of-course the original idea was later rejected and it has now become a hook-up platform rather than one where singles wished to find their someone specials. But has the Indian youth community completely disregarded the concept of dating? To answer this question we have to enter deep into the dating patterns we have been following so long. Ready? Let’s begin
Let us start by a typical story that most of us can relate to when it comes to relationships in our society. There is the teenage state where all of those infatuations and crushes start. The science behind it is pretty simple. Too much release of oxytocin. But the basics start from the schools, tuition centres, and in some cases neighbourhoods. If we see it logically there are two individuals who see each other, get attracted to each other and secretly enjoy glancing and blushing for quite some time. Even if this is not the case at least one party is interested and they decide to confront the person which is completely the natural way one can approach the situation. Often this confrontation is via. Social media thanks to Mark Zuckerberg. Nowadays WhatsApp if one is lucky to have their love interests number. And they talk for sometime complement each other and in the “right time” pop the question.
“Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” Nostalgic yet?
Now, this was a basic situation without all the pretty and vague Layers about both parties. But you get the basic picture right? There can be only two situation sin in these cases. Either both the parties are familiar with each other and don’t know each other on a deeper level or they do. But don’t we forget that seeing someone daily isn’t taken as knowing them enough? However, the commencement might be they promise each other stars and moon at a very young age when we know after going up was actually supposed to be devoted to career choices. But hey! We do learn from our mistakes right. Even if do it twice or thrice or maybe more times? The issue with this kind of dating system is popping the question too soon.
Confessing love even before you actually are in love and mistaking infatuation for true eternal love. Of course, there are people who are lucky enough to find their better halves in the first go, but as painful as it is to accept it is not true for most of us. And then slowly when we discover that our perfect bubble isn’t actually perfect and that our love seems to be dangling on a very weak stick, we do the “unspeakable”. Look for better options. Both genders. And sometimes in both genders.
Dating in western culture
The western dating system is different though. How? Well, they only “see” each other. Meet people outside their interest and inside too. They get to know them better, see how they react to situations. Of course, they express affection but they don’t start by saying “I love you”. That’s where they end it and officially declare themselves as girlfriend and boyfriend. I am not denying that we have in fact adapted their hookup culture too. But this dating paraphernalia is something we’re getting used to. Or at least we are trying.
Coming to the main agenda We Indians are basically Hypocrites. We crave intimacy and name it as love. We crave attention and yet call it love. We crave security and we call it to love again. Maybe we need to re-instate our dictionaries after all.
Intimacy Vs. Love
Craving intimacy is no crime. Because as “dangerous” society makes It sound it actually is pretty simple. Intimacy isn’t just about making love to each other or having animal wild sex as some of us may say it. It really is about feeling wanted. Being able to feel good about ourselves and being cherished by someone. Some may find intimacy in Friendships while others may seek it in romantic relationships. And as I go on I recall a statement made by someone, “why do you need to find love outside your home? Isn’t parents love enough?”. NO, It isn’t because that is not the kind of love children crave when they are growing up. The most beautiful part of being in a relationship isn’t about comparing your parent’s love to someone else’s. It’s about cherishing the newness of the affection you discover and see how it grows.
Now today there are numerous dating apps available on the market that claim you will find love there. And trust me maybe you will. Maybe not. But isn’t it a better approach than our old ways of approaching it anyway? Our generation is so hyped up about adapting foreign cultures and trends that they forget a very important fact. Every country has its own adoption pace. In some countries, it takes only a day for a trend to spread like fire, yet in some it takes years. And a country like India who is home to many cultures it is only natural that every new trend to undergo a process. A tiring process of acceptation, rejection and confusion.
Love is Crime?
For a billion people, who still have difficulty granting validation to the LGBTQ community, and a total confused fan following of feminism, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Well, whatever we may believe and interprets one thing we have always welcomed are the ideas of Sex and Love. We are a massive crowd who believes in all the Bollywood drama that love can happen once twice, and as many times as we can pretend to be. Oops! Offended? But isn’t it true? We the creators and explorers of love are ourselves confused about the entirety of love. So why not learn as we go? But let’s not name it love unless we are sure. Every love is different. Every person has their own way of expressing love and if you think you know what love is, Time will prove you wrong. Or it may not.
How to know?
I’m advocating a very basic agenda here, get to know the person before you promise them yourself. Find out whether what you are feeling is actually love or simply attraction. Or a mere crave for intimacy. Give things time before you promise each other moon and stars, because when promises are broken its not just the person who expects things gets hurt, but also the one who hurts them. In the process of claiming to be carefree, we forget that our practices make us what kind of person we are. And no one wants to be a cheat or be cheated on.
A simple way of analyzing your love is to pay attention to the little things, grand gestures that are trendy and one may have major ideas to execute and woo you, to sweep you off the ground but the one who wants things in the long runs pays attention to the minor things as well. Like treating you right. Respecting your personal life and choices. Supporting you when you need it and showing you where you went wrong. If it weren’t for these little things none of the marriages or relationships in the world would ever workout.
So, if seeking a romantic relationship choose well. Give It some time to nurture and hang out with the person because eventually, you will realize you crave their company or want them in your life. After all, we are ourselves responsible for our own sorrows and our happiness too.