Male Mishandling

So, one of my friends later asked me why don’t I write about guys being abducted or abused or stalked by women in our society. True right? Often we get feminism as a concept where someone fights only in honour of rights for women, but it isn’t right if the argument goes one-sided right? After all, you can clap only if two hands are involved right!

 This is especially for the critics who think that by supporting only girls feminists are someone who would never understand what our dear men go through in the same unfair society.

Coming to the matter, we are quite used to the thought of Men being the stronger gender who can go through all the situations without any complaint because they are men. Really? How can we forget the fact that the same gender whom we symbolize as the physically stronger one in society are also the ones who are emotionally vulnerable because of our mentality that men are strong and don’t cry, they fight every situation bravely and stand through all up’s and down’s supporting the females, the weaker gender, the gender often decorated with the colour pink a colour that represents us. the weaker ones. But this isn’t about us.

We don’t come across such cases of boys being abducted or abused or raped or sexually exploited is because of the stigma of thought our society possess but the facts point to a terrible reality our men face in everyday life. Why do we forget that weakness or strength is a state of mind which differs from person to person and doesn’t depend on gender? We know a lot of sweet and soft heart guys who surround us apart from the strong-willed ones, I’m not saying that its always the kind ones who fall prey to such situations.

If we come across a man and a woman fighting on road, and if the woman slaps the man we say “the man must have done something wrong (or) wronged the woman”  and if the man hits the woman we again say, “what kind of a man is he, raising his hand on the woman”. why? is it always that our men are wrong. why do we have to see all of them with the same frames just because of some sadists in our society?

Giving figures always works so,  here I have some facts which can help you find out more:

Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that:

  • 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
  • Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
  • During one year in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
  • Throughout their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
  • Children are most vulnerable to Child Sexual Abuse between the ages of 7 and 13.

  • Indian Stats

In India, Child sex abuse is at least 10 per cent more among boys than girls. The cases are just not reported, according to activists.

The recent incident of a Class 4 student from a popular CBSE school in the city forced Bangaloreans to take note of the fact that male children are just as much in danger of being sexually assaulted as girls. In August, a boy was sodomised by his seniors at a four-day Scouts and Guides camp in Vasco, Goa.

“Parents are not as careful about their male children as they are about their girl children,” says Meena K Jain, chairperson, Child Welfare Committee (CWC). She stated that cases of boys undergoing abuse is much higher than girls, but not reported at all and attributes it to ignorance among parents.

Joint Commissioner of Police (Crime) Hemant Nimbalkar agrees. He says that boys aged 8 to 12 years were the most vulnerable to sexual abuse and parents should watch out for unwanted attachment towards certain elders. “The psycho-social setup completely sidelines the protection of boys and ‘virginity’ is always associated with girls only,” he said.

Jain said: “As much as parents take pains to teach their daughters that they could be sexually abused and molested, the boy child is never informed. The concept of child sexual abuse is highly gender-based. Only the girl child is focused upon, as she is the key reproductive individual.”  Further, she pointed out: “When abused, the male child can be as physically hurt and traumatised as a girl child.”

  • Sexual crime rates amongst male child

Dr John Vijay Sagar, associate professor — Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) — said that there was an increasing trend of juveniles sexually abusing younger boys. “While it is assumed that a girl child is unsafe, some parents also hush it up when their male child may complain about sexual abuse because they think of the consequence:  which is that a girl child may become pregnant, while a boy won’t,” he said. “When parents take a stance of disbelief, children are discouraged from disclosing their bad experiences.”

The abuse could occur among child labourers, kindergarten boys, in shops, schools and even at home. Abuse also occurs in institutions like detention homes, orphanages and residential care facilities.

In most cases, the perpetrator is known to the child. “The abusers are all not men,” Jain warned.

  • Te emotional restrain

As boy children may not think it appropriate to cry and are less open about their feelings, they may not open up to their parents, she added. Cultural and social reasons force parents to think that protecting a daughter is more important than protecting a son, former DG & IGP S T Ramesh said.

“It is generally believed that only girls need protection and boys do not. So, we take their security for granted. We protect only our girl children and ignore the fact that our boys may be abused by a person who enjoys the confidence of the family and the child himself,” he said.

  • Facts

Although there is no data being collected presently of the number of child abuse cases in the state, the only available data is Prayas – a 2007 study on child abuse by the Ministry of Women and Child Development done across 13 states. Of the 12,447 child respondents, 53.22 per cent reported facing one or more forms of sexual abuse. Of these, 52.94 per cents were boys and 47.06 per cent girls.

When a study was done on severe forms of sexual abuse which included sexual assault, children being forced to fondle private parts and exhibit their private body parts and photographing them in the nude, it was found that the percentage of male victims was 57.3 and 42.7 per cent were girls – a clear margin of almost 15 per cent.

“Contrary to general perception, the overall percentage of boy victims was much higher than girls. Of the 13 states that were surveyed, nine states reported a higher percentage of sexual abuse among boys compared to girls,” said the report, that surveyed children aged between 5 and 18 years.

  • Physical abuse is not just sexual 

Not only does sexual abuse count, but parents beating up their sons to make them disciplined also can be categorized under child abuse. Such cases aren’t brought forward to avoid being shamed in society? I’ve had male friends who often complain about being stalked, tagged or being texted in very wrong and completely unacceptable words, and it’s not always boys or girls.. but mostly girls. demanding for money or other personal pleasures according to them.

In today’s world where social media plays an important role for introverts and other people to open up and explore the outer world via virtual interfaces there are some women as well who stalk, and abuse men openly for entertainment and other leisure’s I’m not sure I can probably apart from the common view of the stalkers always being men.

So, it’s not just one-sided always however some people harm others for their enjoyment but maximum people fall victim to such activities irrespective of their gender, we talk about cultures and tradition but I don’t honestly think our ancestors taught us to invade a person personnel space be it a man or woman.

Abuse is not always physical but mental too, let’s build up a mindset that they too are human beings and need to bring up the topics that hurt them. Let them be free to talk about themselves. Let them lose control and cry. Let them for once believe that their tears won’t make us feel low about them. Support is something everyone needs mentally.

It’s time for us to Stop thinking from just one side. It’s not always the man who goes wrong. Sometimes it can be a woman too. Save  Our Children, Save our Boys.

See you next time Pandas

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